Red Sox win the Season Opener

I finished 'Blue like Jazz' by Donald Miller sometime over the weekend. This was a second reading. The first was several years ago. I think one of the real measures of a book is how it holds up to a second reading. I am happy to say that Blue like Jazz is one of those books that was much more rewarding on the second reading. Miller tries to write simply about his life, faith and Christian spirituality. I thought the book was best when he engaged in personal insight and reflection. He can be both funny and downright soulful at times.

One of the books real weaknesses is when Miller deals with the topic of other faiths. He starts out by correctly pointing out how it has become trendy to study Buddhism or Islam. But he alludes to Buddhists simply 'rubbing a Buddha's Belly' to make everything better. Miller seems to wish that his religion was this simple.

It was also interesting to read this book for the second time around because I was much more familiar with the surroundings. Miller lives in Portland and much of the story takes place here. When he talks about watching the sunset from Mt. Tabor, smoking a pipe at Pioneer Square, living near the roundabout on 39th and Glisan or drinking a beer at the Horse Brass Pub I know exactly what he is talking about.

I have been in contact with Imago Dei, the church that Miller attends in Portland, and plan on visiting very soon.

I have since started 'The Heart of the Buddha's Teachings' by Thich Nhat Hanh. This decision was made, in part, by Miller's characterization of Buddhists. This is also a second reading. It is a deep yet simply read. Hanh's teaching are too powerful to be ignored and too simple to be given up on.

I have recently discovered the joys of living in a big city with a real library. I currently have out on loan: Sesame Street Old School 1969-1974 DVD, Festival Express DVD and The Autobiography of Malcolm X. Going to the library on my lunch breaks has proven to be a nice alternative to spending that time browsing in Powell's.

I have been thinking that it might be time to dump a few more books. Some I will see if I can sell on Amazon, some should get passed on to friends, some should be returned to their proper owner.

You have no idea how much I might save by going to the library more often.

Or perhaps you do.

All the King's Horses

I know it was only a matter of time. But the country came to the realization this week that Barack Obama is a black man. Or, if you prefer, they made a black man out of him.
It was not too long ago that Barack Obama was not a black man at all. If he was black, he certainly was not black enough. Just this past summer it was commonplace knowledge that Barack Obama was not an African American. That is, he was not black.

There is no mistaking that he is black now. Once you are black, or you are painted black, or public opinion decides you are black (use whatever politically correct or incorrect terminology you feel comfortable with here) you are all black. And you are black forever.


So this week I made a decision. I actually just typed, "So this week I made a very important decision", but then decided better of it.

I am going to vote for Barack Obama. I am going to vote for him in Oregon's Democratic Primary. And I am going to vote for him in the national election in November. I am going to do so regardless of the outcome of the Democratic National Convention.

I am voting for Barack Obama because he is black.

I had been oscillating between Obama, Kucinich, Nader, Kennedy and Castro for some time. To tell the truth none of them excited me terribly. And I have been putting some real consideration in giving up voting. The hypocrisy of offering legitimacy to the Republic in this manner has been weighing on me of late.

But I am going to give it another go. Perhaps this will be my last hurrah. But who really knows where I will be in 4 years time.

I am voting for Barack Obama. I am doing so because he is black.

Postcards of the Hanging

It's a crappy day to be protesting a war. Or to be marching for peace. I'm not really sure which they are doing. But there is some sort of event going on in downtown today. It is raining and is not a warm as it was last week. I thought about heading out that way. But I'm not sure. I'm not as young as I used to be.

I picked up a new book yesterday. How to cook everything vegetarian by Mark Bittman. http://www.amazon.com/How-Cook-Everything-Vegetarian-Meatless/dp/0764524836

It reads like the 'Joy of Cooking' for vegetarians. Excellent book. I made some Olive Oil and Salt Bread last night for dinner.

I would recommend the book for anyone that is interested in cooking without meat.

I stopped eating meat about 7 years ago. I can not really point to a reason why I did so. Often times these sorts of decisions are so complex and consist of so many factors that it does them injustice to attach a 'reason' to them. I had read 'Diet for a New America' by John Robbins. I was becoming increasingly interested in Buddhist philosophy and religion. It fit my political and economic ideals. But it would be wrong to point out any of these things as the reason for my quitting eating meat.

I even engaged in an experiment in veganism. The experiment lasted about 8 months. Cheez-Its did me in. No one can say that I am not patriotic.

About a year and a half ago I decided to try eating meat on for size. Again, I can attach no particular reason to this action. I wanted to test my reasonings. I had forgotten what it tasted like. I had a girlfriend that ate meat. I'll be damned if I could tell you why I do things.

The first bit of flesh that I ate was a trout that I caught in a brook somewhere in Berkshire County. I baked it with lemon, garlic and cilantro. It felt good to be nourished by something that I had procured with my own two hands. The next time I tried flesh was several months later at a Christmas party at the Dakota. Eventually I tried a variety of different kinds of flesh.

I stayed on this path until I moved to Oregon at the end of last summer. My experiment was beneficial in confirming my actions of the previous years. I do not wish to or enjoy partaking in animal flesh. However, it also loosened up my once hard and steadfast position. I now enjoy fish occasionally. This really comes in handy at sushi restaurants. Nor do I fret over whether something has beef or chicken stock in it. If I can help it I avoid these things. But no longer do I fret.

That is where I am right now.

I am nearly finished with Tolstoy's 'The Kingdom of God is Within You'. A great book is meant to be revisited every couple of years. You will always take something new away from a book as you yourself have grown over time. Several years ago when I read this book I was desperately seeking some sort of alternative to any religion that I had ever heard of. And that is what I took away from it.

Today I see very little of that in Tolstoy's work. Above all else Tolstoy is a Christian. He uses that position to critique government, nation states, the military, soldiers, citizens, violence, taxes, capitalism, the entire world in which we live.

He is deeply troubled by he fact that nearly every knows that to be a soldier is to be a murderer, governments exist in order to oppress, capitalism is unjust, taxes are unfair, modern churches are abominations of Christ's teaching and violence is wrong (He attributes this knowledge that everyone has from the teachings of Jesus and pays particular attention to the Sermon on the Mount) and yet everyone whole heartedly supports these institutions. It is not just that people do not resist. They actively support. They ignore the contradictions inherent in being a soldier or government official and being a Christian. They make up excuses or ignore the question when probed.

Tolstoy places the brunt of the blame on the individual. There will continue to be wars so long as there are people willing to serve. He also attacks what he sees as an indoctrination of children. In his 19th century Russian society that comes in the form of what is called 'religion'. In democratic societies this indoctrination to violence is called 'patriotism'. He sees this occurring first and foremost in schools.


He shows an extremely complex understanding of the political and economic situation of the world at that time. And, indeed, not much has changed. He uses Christianity, as he understands it, to lay a very detailed critique of the world in which we live.

It is not surprising that Gandhi lists the book as one of the most influential he ever came across in his autobiography.

I haven't finished quite yet. So more to come.

"How can children, youths and people generally be taught any kind of morality-not to speak of teaching in the spirit of Christianity-side by side with the doctrine that murder is necessary for the public weal, and therefore legitimate, and that there are men, of whom each of may have to be one, whose duty is to murder and torture and commit all sorts of crimes at the will of those who are in possession of authority."

On Mandurday

Saturdays are the only day of the week that I really get to myself. I do not have to work. I generally don't even do my second job on Saturdays. And, what is more Lauren leaves the house for about 7 hours to go to work on these days. The 7 hours are an oasis in a 168 hour week.

I have affectionately labeled the day 'mandurday'. My original intent on mandurday was to simply waste away every Saturday fishing. Unfortunately, I have not had the gumption to spend money on a license to do so as of yet. But soon.

I stayed up late last night and slept in today. Or so I tell myself. Talking to Leo last night I realized just how much my routine has changed since I came out here. I am in bed most nights by 10-1030. My 'staying up late' last night consisted of going to bed at 11pm and reading for 45 minutes. Likewise, my 'sleeping in' this morning didn't last past quarter after 9. So it goes.

I spent the morning drinking tea. I don't want to say too much about that here because I feel it deserves its own post. But, and I do have to thank Leo for this one, I have developed an affection for loose leaf teas. I try not drink coffee on the weekends. Instead I enjoy a variety of delicious teas.

I also played with our new toy. We bought a laptop last week. My computer is about 4 or 5 years old and was on its way out. It started to freeze all of the time and could not handle the functions that we were using it for. As it is now necessary for me to have a fast and effective computer for work we decided it was time to get a new one. I am new to the laptop world. I was hesitant to get one at first. But you can not argue with its portability and size. And at only $440 I was sold.

After this I went to Powells Book Store. Powells is by far the largest and best book store that I have had the pleasure of finding. Located in downtown Portland, it takes up one full city block. It is several floors high and each floor has separate rooms for different categories of books. It is an extreme challenge every time that I enter the store not to spend all that I have and more.

I have been an avid reader since we got to Portland. I have always read, and often heavily. But it is much more consistent now. A lack of friends and a total of 1 hour on public transit a day now doubt helps me in these endeavors. Since I have been in Portland I have read:

Atlas Shrugged - Ayn Rand
All Quiet on the Western Front - Erich Maria Remarque
East of Eden - John Steinbeck
His Dark Materials (Books 1-3) - Phillip Pullman
The Dark Tower (Books 1 & 2) Stephen King
The Story of my Experiments with Truth - Gandhi (an autobiography)
God Bless You Mr. Rosewater - Kurt Vonnegut
The Death of Ivan Ilyach - Leo Tolstoy

I believe that there is more. But as I am not home right now I can not consult my shelf for help in the matter. The next two books on my plate are, in order...

The Kingdom of God is Within You - Leo Tolstoy
Blue Like Jazz - Donald Miller

I have read both books before. But it is time for me to read them again. I am just now finishing up Gandhi and his writings on truth and god have compelled me to delve into the subject further. It seems that this happens to me once a year. Traditionally it is around spring. I remember reading Thich Nhat Hanh several years ago. I came across an idea, and Gandhi repeated the idea, that it is best for you to find god through the religion and culture that you were born into. I was not ready or recptive to the idea at the time. But it is time to reconsider it.

There are several books that I have come across in the bookstore that I would like to pick up.

Moscow 1941 - This book tells the story of the Third Reich's siege on Moscow in 1941. It was, by far, the largest battle fought in all of world history. All told, some 7 million people participated in the battle. Russia lost nearly 1 million soldiers in the battle. The term 'soldier' is used loosely here. Germany's attempt to march into Moscow was repealed by common citizens, young and old, men and women. It was here that Hitler suffered his first defeat. This battle, more than any other, lead to the downfall of the Third Reich.

Dreams from my Father - Barack Obama. I read some of this in the store. It is rare to hear a politician speak so candidly about their personal life.

Donal Miller - He has several other books that I would like to read.

I was looking at a history of Soviet Russia today. It was some 800 pages and looked fascinating. I can not now recall the name but am sure I could find it easily.

The reader, assuming that someone out there is actually reading this, might well note that the list of books that I intend to read in the near future contain no works of fiction. The reason for this is twofold. 1) I am in the middle of the Dark Tower Series and would like to set aside the majority, if not all, of my nonfiction reading towards it. 2) I am just generally interested in reading nonfiction for the first time since college.

After the bookstore I made my way down to the Bipartisan Cafe. This coffee shop is only about 3 blocks from my house. Yet this is the first time that I have made my way here. So too is this the first time that I have used wifi.

There is much more that I would like to write about. But there is plenty of time for that. New ideas coming to me are more on truth and god, cell phones, politics, jobs, tea, springtime and others.

Until then....

New Beginnings

Hi folks,

I started this so that those that I don't don't see and talk to as much as I should or would like to might know some of how we are getting along. I posted some of the writings that I did concerning moving whilst still in Pittsfield. I think they paint a pretty good picture of what my thought process was in moving 3,000 miles away from anywhere that I had ever lived.

I intend to update this page about once a week or so. I will write about random thoughts I have, activities that Lauren and I engage in and whatever else I think folk might like to know.

I currently intend to write about laptops, tea, beer, vegetarianism, books and work among others.


Best,

Rain

Written on January 27, 2008

Rain

In New England, in the Berkshires, when it rains it rains. There is not any middle ground. Either it is dry. Or it is coming down. And you know it.

In the Northwest it is not so. There are two differnt kinds of rain out here. There is a soft rain and a hard rain. There is a dry rain and a wet rain. Neither of the two resemble the rain, the hard down pours, that I have always known.

It is a different experience that you have with the rain out here. It is a different relationship. The rain (in the winter) is constant. Sometimes it is a hard rain. Sometimes it is a soft rain. Sometime the rain hides for a while. Sometimes it even hides for a whole day. But it is always there. It's in the back of your mind. It is present in the sky, in clouds. You can smell it.

I remember winters in New England have no smell. Everything is sterile. Everything is impossibly frozen. Everything is crisp and harsh and brutal. Everything is sterile.

Out here the winter is full of smells. There is a constant dankness to everything. You can always smell moss, or trees, or bushes, but mostly moss if you take the time. The cold here, and it is cold here, is a numb nipping that raps on you slowly. It does not try to knock you out. In fact, you can forget about it with little effort. But it is there. And it does let you know it every once in a while.

I rember that in New England in the winters your world consists of paths. There is one path that you take from your house to your car. There is one path that you take from you car to work or school. You don't deviate from that path. That path that is no wider than the width of a shovel is your world.

In the Northwest winter you are constantly prepared for the rain. When you leave the house to a beautiful sunny day you still know that it is the rainy season. And you know that, more likely than not, the rain will return. Soon.

It is not an event when it rains. One does not say 'oh, my! it is raining'. The rain does not beat you into submission. The rain does not wow you. The rain just is. Sometimes it is soft. And sometimes it is hard.

I was so much older then...

Written on September 28, 2007



We've been in Portland for one week now. It's been great. The trip out here was both quick and long at the same time. Straight to Chicago without a break. A 3 hour nap around Chicago. Straight to Fort Collins, Co. Spent a few nice days with Lauren's family. Straight to Portland.

We can't pump our own gas.

State Law.

So it goes...


The city, the house, the neighborhood are beautiful.

Our neighborhood and the majority of the city doesn't look or feel like a city most right coasters would be used to. Our neighborhood looks just like any other neighborhood you would see in Pittsfield (our hometown) or any other smaller town. So does some 80% of the city. There is a downtown. It is small. If you blinked you'd miss it. Think of it as a really, really large town. But, of course, there is so much more going on. We live 3 blocks from Mt. Tabor Park. It's the second largest park in the city. It's actually an inactive volcano. You can walk, drive or hike to the top. Gorgeous views from up there. 2 blocks in another direction is a small downtown for the 'Montavilla' district. There are a few bars. We stopped in on Sunday to watch some football. Small hole in the wall that we loved. Told me they'd play all the Bears games. Only thing is they allow smoking. There is also a movie theater where you can catch a movie for $3 and buy beer and pizza if you please. Every Sunday in the Summer there is a Farmer's Market with Music and great food. This is all 2 blocks from our house. There is much more of this in the city. Everything in the city is no more than 10 minutes away. We are about 1 mile (3 minute drive) from a Target, WalMart, 24 Hour Fitness (Great gym we joined for really cheap), tons of restaurants, some great grocery stores, so on and so forth. Yesterday we went to 'Forest Park'. A 10 minute drive at most. As close as Greylock was to my hold house. It is the largest park in an urban setting in the U.S. It is, quite literally, a forest.

Lauren just took a temporary position at an independent toy store. I just took a job as a line cook. We're working on that.

Alice, our cat, just got out here today and it's starting to feel like home. When we first got here we had nothing. Slept on the floor a few nights, ate on the floor and so forth. We now have a couch, tv stand, computer desk, bookshelves, bed, etc.

Oh, and Portland offers free internet service. A company puts out free wireless signals at strategic signals in the city. We live right next to one. Fast as broadband.

We're doing pretty well so far.

On Work

Written on August 30, 2007 (on paper without lines)

I haven't thought much about getting a job yet. Jobs have always come to me. I have always been willing to work. At whatever cost. I have always been desperate enough. Come to think of it, I have always been fortunate enough.

I went to work at 6am in college. I worked 40+ hours while in community college. I traveled to Pittsfield to work at the Dakota on weekends, holidays and school breaks.

It has always just worked. And I assume it will again. I'll cook, prep, clean, whatever.

I wouldn't mind a job as an organizer. But I don't know if I will like it. But, then again, I might.

More than anything, I hate to work with upper middle class professionals. It is why I prefer to work as a line cook over some fancy pants job. But I can not be a line cook forever. It is killing me.

As a union organizer I am afforded the opportunity to work with working class individuals almost exclusively. Every day. In a setting and profession that will not kill me. But I fear that I do not have what it takes. You have to relate to folk. You have to knock on doors. You have to interrupt dinners and suppers. Maybe I can. May I can't.

On Steinbeck, Tolstoy and joy

Written of August 29th, 2007 (on paper without lines)

I wonder what I will have to write about when we arrive. I only write to express the negative. The sad, the anger, etc. Mostly the melancholy. I can't say that I am experiencing these emotions. now. But there is cause to write. Even if the result may not satisfy me.

I have meant to write for several nights. But I need music. And I was without it. The solution to this problem lay right under my nose.

So often...

I am currently thinking that I should have made another white russian before I started to write.

Alcohol and music.

I have yet to decide if it is very bad or very good for me.

I knew that I would freak out when it came time. I hate being in transition. I don't like boxes in my house. I need home. I don't need much in it. I don't even like much in it. We are in transition. I knew it would happen. But still these emotions surprise me.

I have never had positive emotions hurt so before. Perhaps hurt is not the correct word. There is no back space. This is it. Hello. Goodbye.

All that I want to talk about is Portland. I have never subscribed to the philosophy that talking about what ails you will do you no good. A fault of mine no doubt. Lauren subscribes wholeheartedly. God bless her. Although she finds fault in this aspect as well.

I will miss the Dakota. Imagine that. I could have had the comfortable middle class Pittsfield lifestyle that I always detested if I stayed. I couldn't grill forever. Doug would not let me. Nor would I let myself. So I have to go.

I thought I had something more to say.
I sometimes wonder if I ever have anything to really say.

I suppose...

I write to express the sad and melancholy. I have always found happy and joyous writing to be without soul. Cheesy. Rubbing it in the readers face. My two favorite authors are Steinbeck and Tolstoy. Vonnegut runs in a close third. So it goes.

But, let me say... I am excited. I am bursting at the seams with joy over how my life is going. I did not think that such a life was for me. For my lot. Perhaps I was born wrong, or raised improperly. Perhaps I brought it on myself. But I certainly never thought that such a life was for me. I am certainly not skilled enough in the craft of writing to express my feelings here.

I still get angry, upset, sad, so on and so forth.
But it is ok.
Shit.

Thank you,

Almost Gone (on making friends, elvis and alcohol)

Written on August 19th, 2007 (on paper with no lines)


The day after our going away party. I've always disliked writing on paper without lines. I need direction. I need guidance. I need forgiveness. The lines give me that. I work best with a computer. But they are not to be trusted. Not with your life at any rate.

Sometimes I feel as if the stress, the anticipation of moving is going to swallow me up whole. Today, as I sit here, most of the work that was set out before us is done. Car sold. Apartment found. Destination known. Party over. Neighborhood known. Something to tell people. And it does feel good. Much less to worry about.

But there is also waiting to be done now. I need to make the most of it. But I struggle. For re asons far too vast and deep to put down on this paper that does not even have lines. I have found it near impossible to spend quality time with my folks before I head out. I'm not sure if that's even what they want. It might be easier if I wasn't their neighbor. A man needs space. It might be easier if it were not for the Dakota. I get so grumpy. Nerves on end. It might be easier if alcohol was not involved. It can get so messy. I think we need space. And we will certainly get lots of that. It might be easier if I didn't make excuses.

Most of my friends are now headed in a different direction. I've seen it happen before. Hell, I've done it before. They are going. Going away. Someplace else. If your aren't already too invested there is no point in doing that to yourself now.

But there are some. More than enough really. Leo is already too invested. He is somewhere else. But it matters not. We are too invested. Cutting ties would cost too much. And I am thankful for that. Very much so.

I think I have reached an age, or entered a stage, where it is much more difficult to find friends like that. Perhaps it is gone forever. My interests include Jerry, the grateful dead and everything related, communism, socialist thought and history, labor, black power, the red sox, football, hiking, dogs, cats and my pickemup truck. Just to name a few. I hate politics, liberals, conservatives, materialism, stuff, i me mine, bigotry, political correctness and dogs that lick. I am quiet most of the time. And dead serious if I don't trust you. I can entertain. Bout only on rare occasions. My idea of a good night involves slow musics, alcohol and maybe a book. And of course Ren. If I go out I prefer not to talk. I hate meaningless drunk talk. I can't respect someone after they spill their guts to me and make grand plans one evening only to forget all about it the next day.

Few will be my friend. Perhaps it is better this way.

It is a funny thing not to know what the future will hold. No one ever really knows. But most lie and tell themselves they do. I don't know what city I will buy a house and settle down in. I don't know if I will ever return to the place of my birth.

I will miss my father on Christmas morning. It is the only day of the year that I could ever be sure that he would be in a good mood. I don't know what it is. But the man loves that day. And it is infectious. I associate Elvis Christmas songs with this feeling. And I am glad that I have the cd to bring with me. I am sure that Ren will appreciate how often I play it.

I think that I am going to love Portland. In fact, I don't think that I will ever want to leave. More I think about it And that does scare me a little bit. Maybe it does alot of bit.

Lord, it will be good for me. And that is scary.

Jazz. Wine. Ren.

I have no more need to write today.

Leaving Home

Written in January of 2007.


Pittsfields Shot

I read the article in this past Sundays Berkshire Eagle entitled, Youth Bolting State, with great interest. The subject matter is one that I have spent much time pondering and mulling over as of late. I applaud the Eagle for the recognition of a problem that really will continue to cripple the state in coming years unless some major changes are instituted. All to often the Eagle categorically ignores any and all problems that residents of the county really face on a day to day basis. And I believe it is safe to say that the problem of losing youth, especially those with a college education, has hit and will continue to hit the Berkshire especially hard. Unfortunately, Hillary Chabots article failed to give this all to real problem a recognizable or 'human' face. No real reasons or solutions for the Massachusetts brain drain were offered. More importantly, the voice of the youth of Berkshire County was noticably absent.

I thought that, perhaps, I may be able to shed a little light or at least offer some perspective on the subject matter.

I am a 25 year old resident of Pittsfield Massachusetts. I received my BA from the University of Massachusetts in 2004. In May of 2006 I receive my MS from the same institution of higher learning.

In the months leading up to my graduation date I spent alot of time debating, both with myself and with others, where I should go. My field of expertise is Labor Studies and Political Theory. If I wanted to use my degree in any meaningful way I would need to go somewhere, almost anywhere it seemed as long as it was not Berkshire County. This idea held a certain appeal for me. I wanted to start a career, I wanted to use my degree, I wanted to ensure that I felt 'justified' by putting myself in over $40,000 worth of debt. I looked into jobs in Boston, New York City, Seattle and San Francisco just to name a few.

On the other hand I felt guilty about not coming back and giving Pittsfield a 'shot'. I felt indebted to the community and to my family and friends that stayed behind. I felt that putting myself in over $40,000 worth of debt would mean little to nothing if I was not able to give back to the community that raised me from birth. I knew that I would not be able to find employment in my field. I knew that the economic situation is Pittsfield was dismal. But I naively believed that having a Master's Degree would give me at least a small upper hand in the economies job market. So I decided to give Pittsfield that 'shot'. I decided to give the place 1 year. 12 months to find employment, get my finances in order after 7 years of utter destruction from college bills and inflated rent prices in Amherst and 12 months to discover for myself if living in the Berkshires as an adult really was as terrible as so many of my peers told me...

It is now nearly 8 months since I finished graduate school and returned to my place of birth. Things have not gone according to plan. I took a job as a line cook at a restaurant that I started working at over 8 years ago to get myself through high school, BCC and even college. I am still employed there full-time today. While the establishment has been as good to me as I can expect this is certainly not what I want to be doing. I have been scanning the classifieds in the Berkshire Eagle every thursday, saturday and sunday since this summer. I frequently check ..nberkshirejobs.com. I even go so far as to check the websites of known local employers for job opportunities on a regular basis. I send my resume out anywhere from once to 6 different times in any given week. And still nothing. I have had a handful of interviews. But nothing that has lead me to employment...

And so here I am. I am broke and discouraged. Like so many other people in the county I am without health insurance. I am unable to find a job that provides affordable health insurance and purchasing it on my own is absolutely out of the question. To add insult to injury, the Massachusetts legislature, recognizing this for the problem that it is in all of their infinite wisdom, decided that the solution would be to force people like myself to purchase our health insurance from private companies. Soon I will be forced to pay a monthly fee that I cannot afford for an 'emergency only' health plan that I will rarelly, if ever, be able to use. Insurance is simply a luxury that I can not afford right now. Furthermore, being that it has now been more than the prerequisite '6 months' since I finished my academic career the federal government has recently been pounding on my door to pay back the $40,000 that they graciously leant me so that I might get an education. My jaw nearly hit the floor when I received my first bill and realized that they expected me to pay $385/month for the next ten years. I had to call and threaten to default (a move that would have ruined me financially I know) to get them to drop the payments to $100/month for the first year. Still a very, very hefty fee on my current salary. And I keep on sending those resumes out.....

In addition to the dismal state of the counties economy I have run into some other areas of concern. Most notably is the quality of the night life in the area. I enjoy seeing live music. It is a luxury that I have grown accustomed to over the years. So much so that I was unaware just how much of a rarity it had become in my hometown of Pittsfield. Fortunately, just down the street from my abode La Cocina offered me an opportunity to see live music a full seven nights a week. But for nearly the entire duration of my recent stint in Pittsfield the city government, and the Sheriffs department in particular, have gone out of their way to harass and bully the establishment. So much so that there are now rumors that the business will be sold and live music in the city will be done for good...

I have been 'interested' in the so called 'cultural revitalization' that some believe the city of Pittsfield is currently undergoing. The leaders of this process, still in its infancy, will to make some decisions on what sort of Pittsfield they want to see in coming years. On the one hand, they could continue to introduce high priced and hi-fallutin cultural events to the city that are to be marketed towards wealthy tourists and do nothing for the residents but provide a few minimum wage jobs. On the other hand, they could work on ensuring that they introduce venues and events that are affordable and appeal to the mass of people living within the confines of the city. I fear that it may be the former that is already happening. But I hope this is not the case and believe that there is still time to reverse the path that the city is undergoing...

If Massachusetts, and Pittsfield in particular, plans on reversing the trend of college educated young people leaving the area they will need to do several things. And do them quickly they must. First and foremost the economic situation needs to be fixed. We need good paying jobs with benefits. We need to be able to pay off our ridiculously high student loan bills. We need health insurance and dental insurance and wouldn't even mind a paid day off once in a while. We need the sort of jobs that unions once provided to our residents before the government and employers teamed up to kick them out. But we do not need the government sticking its nose where it does not belong and forcing us to purchase a sub par health insurance plan without helping improve our financial situation so that we might be able to afford said plan. We need to have things to do and places to go out in the area. We do not need the city governments needlessly harassing fine establishments such as La Cocina. And if the city is going to go through a 'cultural revitalization' we need to ensure that it is one that is accessible to the majority of its population. I care little for events that I can not afford to attend...

When all is said and done, I am not optimistic about the future of the state or this city or my future therein for that matter. At this point I believe that the damage may already be done. After 8 months of tireless job searching and back breaking work I may just be done. Even If I were able to find a great job in the area tomorrow I do not know if It would be enough to make me stay. I will stay here through the summer. I truly do enjoy the "Beautiful Berkshires" in the summer. But I have given this community a "shot". I am leaving...